Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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