in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
