i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
