So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
