i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
