well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
