You're so nebulous sometimes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize