u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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