I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
