I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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