i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
