Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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