Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
