I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
