I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you had me at cake vodka
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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