Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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