is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize