How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
