i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
