NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
