at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
