just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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