you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
