At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
