If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize