First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
