It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
