Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??

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(509): View more from Washington

Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.

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(207): View more from Maine

When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.

(1-207): View more from Maine

That's not what Jesus is for

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(716): View more from New York

I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.

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