I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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