I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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