Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
