Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize