When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
