I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The air was thick with penises
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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