Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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