I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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