Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
