Having a random hookup so left but love u
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
