she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
