fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
