Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i now understand why vodka
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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