I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
