Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
