dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
