The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
