you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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