What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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