Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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