think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The air was thick with penises
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
