absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
