Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
