The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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