I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize