hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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