Sry I called you an 8
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
