I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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