She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
