u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my mouth tastes like poor choices
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize