Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
