ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
