remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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