I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
