The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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