I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
