it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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