We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
