I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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