i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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