Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize