Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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