some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
