he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
