"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
