woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
