I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk is not a location!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
