Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just had sex bonerless
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
