He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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