my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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