you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
