If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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