She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
